she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
