oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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