Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
