you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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