An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
