I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
