Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
