its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
two words: eviction party
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
