ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
