Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
