Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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