I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
