I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
