Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
