apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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