So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My vagina is officially offended.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
