I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
