Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
