I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
