Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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