hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
