There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
