dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
