Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
