there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
