He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
