Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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