I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
