so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
