does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
