i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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