I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
