reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
