the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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