Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
