Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
