He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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