doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
