I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
not ubering you a puppy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
