Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
