i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
