Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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