he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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