beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
