well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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