dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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