are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
