it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
