??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
