sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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