wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
