she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
