I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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